Dear Captain's Log, Day 6...
It was a strange day. I had stayed up most of the previous night, reading my new vegan cookbooks (I'm sure there will be a blog about them later.) And for some reason, it made me really emotional. I struggle, even now, to find the words that describe what I was/am feeling.
There was loneliness. Since going vegetarian, and especially now.. as vegan, it's hard to not feel 'different.' You become the butt of every bad joke about rabbit food. You get questioned almost daily on why you would ever choose such a thing.
At first, you go along with the jokes. You do a half-smile or a little chuckle.. because you don't want to start a debate. But eventually, it grows tiring.. and lonely.. to always be the 'different' one.
Then, there was sadness. I consider myself a very compassionate person, with a vast amount of empathy. It's hard for people that don't feel this way to understand.. that I literally start crying when I think about the animals that are suffering. The baby male chick, that isn't needed on an egg farm, so he's put on a conveyor belt and dropped into a grinder.. or piled into a dumpster with all the other living chicks, until they starve to death or suffocate under the weight. The cattle that are killed, and sometimes skinned alive, when the "stunning" equipment doesn't work. The baby calf that is taken from its mother, so that we can milk her, and put him in a tiny crate -- to be sold for veal.
And for what? Is a glass of milk, or a hamburger, really worth that?
It was a strange day. I had stayed up most of the previous night, reading my new vegan cookbooks (I'm sure there will be a blog about them later.) And for some reason, it made me really emotional. I struggle, even now, to find the words that describe what I was/am feeling.
There was loneliness. Since going vegetarian, and especially now.. as vegan, it's hard to not feel 'different.' You become the butt of every bad joke about rabbit food. You get questioned almost daily on why you would ever choose such a thing.
At first, you go along with the jokes. You do a half-smile or a little chuckle.. because you don't want to start a debate. But eventually, it grows tiring.. and lonely.. to always be the 'different' one.
Then, there was sadness. I consider myself a very compassionate person, with a vast amount of empathy. It's hard for people that don't feel this way to understand.. that I literally start crying when I think about the animals that are suffering. The baby male chick, that isn't needed on an egg farm, so he's put on a conveyor belt and dropped into a grinder.. or piled into a dumpster with all the other living chicks, until they starve to death or suffocate under the weight. The cattle that are killed, and sometimes skinned alive, when the "stunning" equipment doesn't work. The baby calf that is taken from its mother, so that we can milk her, and put him in a tiny crate -- to be sold for veal.
And for what? Is a glass of milk, or a hamburger, really worth that?
“If slaughterhouses had glass walls,
everyone would be a vegetarian.” - Paul McCartney
Those thoughts.. literally make my heart ache. I don't feel a difference, between that, and human suffering. Some might find that peculiar. But a life that is brutally taken, is something that deserves our respect, and our sorrow.
And lastly, there was guilt. Guilt for all the years that I'd been eating meat.. blissfully unaware of what I'd been creating demand for. All the 'death' that I had consumed.. and paid for.
But now I know.
"When you know better, you do better." - Maya Angelou
Today, as I tried to explain these feelings to my husband, I was unable to do it without tears streaming down my face.
I just wanted, so badly, for someone to understand what I was feeling. Someone to be on 'my' side. Someone to feel like this is as important as I do.
I just wanted, so badly, for someone to understand what I was feeling. Someone to be on 'my' side. Someone to feel like this is as important as I do.
He didn't.. But he's trying to.
I guess it's just easy to get overwhelmed with all those feelings, and the thought that you have to change people's minds. And yet, you know you can't. You will never successfully force someone to change their habits.
So what do you do?
You own your actions. You display them, and talk about them, proudly. You give people something to ponder. You inspire those that are open to change.
Don't do nothing because you can't do everything. Do something. Anything.
And I leave you with this little song I stumbled across today; a folk song from back in the Woodstock days. Still cute, and somehow poignant, at the same time.
If you would like to help stop cruelty to farm animals, please donate to the Farm Sanctuary.
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